Where am I today?
A few months ago, after a tough breakup, I sought refuge in slumbering the day away. Hoping that pain would eventually have pity on me and travel elsewhere to find another resting place in someone else. I had been a host for too long and I began to grow weak and pessimistic – almost driven to isolate myself from anything that would trigger happiness – even for a brief moment. It was pure insanity.
One of the scariest ideas that I had begun to embrace was that happiness was attached to a person. I grew unconvinced that Jesus was the only source of my joy, and boy ol’ boy, did that jack me all the way up! I couldn’t stomach the reality that I created for myself.
I realized that my error was in doubting God’s sufficiency. My error was in unfairly placing my emotional stability in the hands of another human being. My error was in thinking that another person (whether it was
idols: a friend, a loved one or boyfriend) could properly fulfill the role of God in my life. But that wasn’t their place. I had a God-sized hole that only He could fill. But because of my misunderstanding and misplacement, I prolonged the healing process for months and months, until recently.
After much prayer, I awakened from that deep slumber that provided temporary relief and sought refuge in the words of Joy himself, Jesus. And that pain that I harbored could no longer compete with the peace that was restored when God’s word became life to me, again. Time spent in His presence was and still is the remedy for the aching heart. He is the only constant in life. He will never leave me nor forsake me (that’s bible! Deuteronomy 31:6). Knowing the source of your joy is so powerful because when you have a proper understanding of who Jesus is, you begin to realize that your Joy is never threatened because He (the source of true delight) is ever-present, and he ain’t going nowhere.
People come and go (Not everyone, Thank God lol). But, if you confine happiness and/or joy to anyone outside of Christ, the moment they leave, you’ll be looking uber weak and you will find yourself seeking comfort in sleep to avoid reality and housing an unnecessary pain as a result of those M&Ms: misunderstanding and misplacement.
"The love of Jesus is greater than the ache of my heart."
God is our rock! He alone. (psalms 62). Idols will fail you every. single. time. I pray that we all make Jesus the center of it all. Because nothing else and no one else will do.
Blessings, *In the voice of Bilal*